When Virginia thought she saw monkeys, they didn’t say, “No, they’re just trees.” They said “Yes! It’s monkey season! We need to catch them, now!” Karen and Mondy used “yes, and” with Virginia to ease her distress and allow her to feel validated and safe. ![]() If the first person said they were a policeman, for example, the second wasn’t to respond, “No, you’re a teacher!” They were to respond, (Spoiler alert: my acting career didn’t work out.) One person would offer up a scenario and the others in the scene had to accept it and build on the narrative. I did improvisation as a teen in acting classes. Instead of correcting Virginia when she became confused, they went along with her reality, using an improvisation principle called “yes, and”. A married couple, Karen and Mondy, were caring for Karen’s mum, Virginia, who had Alzheimer’s. I first learnt about “Yes, and” in 2014 on an episode of the podcast This American Life. Saying “yes” makes interactions so much smoother. But I’ve found a new technique that works wonders and helps to keep everybody happy and calm. In the past, I’d have suggested that my friend was overreacting, or offered a different point of view. I didn’t think the behaviour sounded too bad, but I didn’t comment. “She texted me!” my friend said indignantly. Recently, I chatted with a friend who was very angry at a particular person in her life. How saying ‘yes’ rather than arguing all the time made my life easier Sometimes, however, the other person isn’t open to different points of view. ![]() How saying ‘yes’ rather than arguing all the time made my life easier,For most of my life, I automatically shared my opinions with anyone who shared theirs with me.
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